Credit goes to Farah from xoxomemongirl. I got a job for all of you, since it looks like she’s ending her blog soon, please go beg her to join us here at COARIN once she’s done. We’d love to have her join us
Please read SubhanAllah Alhmdulillah and Allahu Akbar 3 x before reading this post.
Finishing up with the dishes I wiped my hands dry and started with my Tasbih Fathimi. Seriously, the days I skipped it, I could actually see the difference. The housework and chores would drag and feel like it took forever.
I’d finished all my before bed ‘rituals’ and was about to jump into bed when my phone beeped.
I lifted it and was unsurprised when I saw that it was from Diana, she probably wanted to inform me that she wouldn’t be coming into work tomorrow. I opened the message and the contents made me bolt upright, ‘Hi! Not sure if it bothers u but that moslem girl u were pikin up the past few months is bak. No worries tho, she seems sorted with transport.’
I frowned worriedly, what should I do. Every instinct in my body was screaming for me to go but I’d already meddled enough. But then again, how could I leave a student of mine to spiral down a path of such blatant destruction. And these clubs were not good places at all. Having a son in the police department who worked at street level, I knew at least this much. The horror stories of what went on in some of these place made my hair stand on end and my blood run cold. And I’m quite sure what I knew of was just the tip of the ice berg.
I was still debating about what to do when I received a second message from Diana, “For some reason I don’t really trust that guy he seems like a shady character. ” Diana is quite an excellent judge of character, trust me I would know so what she said really worried me. That’s what cinched it and I quickly grabbed the car keys and left the house.
Pulling into the parking lot, I began muttering Ayatul Kursi out loud. Allah only knows I needed the protection.
I took a deep breath and began reciting istighfaar already seeking forgiveness for all the haram I feared my innocent eyes would witness
Bracing myself I stormed into the club and was appalled by what I saw. There she stood, giggling and hanging all over some guy. My blood started boiling and I breathed in deeply to control my rage. This is what happens when you give your child too much freedom.
I marched up to Haalah and yanked her arm off that boy and began dragging her out all the while scolding her and muttering under my breath, “Some rolling pin treatment is what she needs, then she’ll come right!
I dragged her out off the club and dumped her into the car. As I started the ignition, the thought suddenly occured to me at how weird this was. She hadn’t uttered one word of dispute and just went along with whatever I said. The Haalah I knew would never be so compliant. She’d be fighting tooth and nail. I glanced over to the passenger seat and frowned, her eyes were bloodshot. “Haalah,” I tried to get her attention. She looked at me with glassy eyes before slurring out a huge mumble jumble of words. I couldn’t make head nor tail of what she said.
‘DRUGS’ My instincts were screaming. But what could I do? I’d spoken to her father and although he didn’t outright say it, he blatantly believed his daughters word over mine.
Which wasn’t a bad thing but.. In this case it kinda was. When the child was so clearly spiralling a path to self destruction, then trusting them was not the right thing to do.
‘Must I or mustn’t I?’ I was torn in two parts about what to do.
My first option was to take her home and just forget about this, basically washing my hands clean of her. The sensible part of my brain screamed for me to do that.
But as usual my fatal flaw took over and won. Choosing emotion over logic wasn’t the most…. Well, logical thing to do but I somehow found myself giving into it every time.
I mean this was my student, how could I sit back and do nothing about it. How could I watch her falling to her ruin and not jump to catch her. Even if I were to get hurt, even if I had to fall with her just to be there to cusion her fall, I knew deep down that I’d do it.
Just to see that earnest bright smile one more time. That smile that urged you to smile even on your saddest day. Those eyes that could make your heart ecstatic by just twinkling at you. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I recalled how those eyes gradually dimmed. How that smile lost it’s lustre and gradually disappeared for good.
How could a mother do that to a child, to such a beautiful innocent child? How could the one who was supposed to brighten that luminous smile degrade it to tears? I shook my head as I mused on how parents affect their children in ways that they couldn’t even imagine.
I still wonder about what really happened with her mom. I’d heard a few whispers about her but I never persued them because I didn’t want to involve myself in gossiping. Plus, half the stories that churned through the rumour mill were huge untruths. Slander I would never go near to because just the thought of the punishment prescribed for it made me shiver.
Something had definitely happened with her mother though I know this for sure. Months before her parent’s divorce, the change was evident in Haalah. She perpetually looked like she was about to burst into tears.
Even though I’d never showered a particular pupil with extra attention ever before, I couldn’t help but do it then, wanting her to confide in me. Wanting her to share the hurt and to stop bottling it inside. She never directly came out and spoke about what was bothering her but during break one day, she’d come to me and biting her lip hesitantly asked, “Apa, what must we do if like our parents are doing something wrong? I know we mustn’t obey them if they tell us to do something wrong but what must I do if Mam.. I mean one of my parents is doing something wrong?” I looked into those large unhappy eyes and felt like crying myself. How do I answer a question like that? “Hey, maybe she doesn’t know. How about you tell her and explain to her what’s the right thing to do.” I rubbed her shoulder gently.
“But she knows! I asked her why she’s doing wrong things,” her lower lip wobbled, “I don’t know if I must tell P.. If I must tell anyone. She said if I tell anyone she’s going to leave me and go to live very far away.” I looked into the brimming eyes and was at a loss for what to do. She’d unwittingly slipped out that it was he mother and how could I give her advice against her own mother. It did sound quite upsetting though. I mean what kind of mother threatened their child with leaving them?
At a loss for words I drew her close into a hug and just held her for the rest of the break. After that day when all the children went out for break, Haalah would quietly join me in the kitchen while I was cooking and she would simply sit and watch me until I gave her a hug and that slowly became our ‘ritual’. The day her parents divorced and she left madrassah because her father couldn’t arrange suitable transport, I’m not sure whether my heart broke more or hers.
Now as I pulled up at the hospital I sighed, am I really doing the right thing?
I exited the car and helped out a half-falling down Haalah who was still talking. Honestly,she hadn’t stopped talking or should I say slurring, for even a moment.
Then with a confidence I didn’t feel, I marched into the ER and requested for a drug test to be done. The nurse furrowed his forehead before nodding slowly. Ten minutes later had me pacing up and down with my head in my hands. Haalah had already been taken in as due to the late hour, the ER was quiet. Was I really doing the right thing?
Was it right for me to be taking so many liberties with someone else’s child. ‘But it’s for her own good!’ The other part of my mind argued. Her father was either uninterested or a totally oblivious idiot who had no idea what was going on.
The thing that really worried me though was what the outcome of the tests would be. Everything pointed to it being positive. But I wanted to believe so much that it would be negative, that the Haalah I knew could never do something like that. But I knew I was just deluding myself. All evidence pointed to her being positive. But what if..
I was saved from insanity due to these horrible incessant thoughts by the nurse coming out to call me. I followed her into a small office and was relieved to find that the doctor was female. She smiled sympathetically at me. “There’s no good way to break this news so I’m just going to come right out and say it. Your daughter has rohypnol in her system.” I pushed aside a twinge of guilt at how I’d let them make wrong assumptions. “So she is using?” I sighed tiredly. “I really didn’t want to believe it. So now what? Is it bad enough that she needs to go to rehab or… Will she just need to be kept under strong scrutiny?”
The doc started suddenly, “You don’t know what Rohypnol is, do you?” “It’s some type of new drug on the market?” I ventured uncertainly. “It’s basically roofies,” the doctor stated, “So while it may be possible that she took it willingly… All evidence points to the contrary. There’s absolutely no other substance in her blood neither is there evidence of her even smoking so the good news I can give you is that your daughter is not an addict. The bad news… Well, she has Rohypnol in her system.”
I dug my fingers into my head, messing up my Hijaab, “So you saying that she’s been slipped a da..” I choked on the words, “A date ra…rape drug?”
The doctor nodded. “It’s surprising she got caught though. Nowadays dye has been added to Rohypnol so it’s not used for such nefarious purposes. She was probably drinking from a can so couldn’t see the change in colour.”
“Okay and what should I do? Must I report it today while it’s still in her system or should I just get the test results and go on monday or what? Or must I go right now? Or do I have to do something else.” I rattle of a series of questions, too frantic to think rationally.
“Here are your test results, as for going to the authorities, the police department are too run of their feet to put much effort into something small like this. It’s the twenty 1st century, these things happen. It’s not like she actually got taken advantage of so I advise you forget about it. Going to the police department is just going to waste your time and resources.”
I couldn’t help my eyes from widening. How could she say that. How could she be soo calm about this. How cynical could she be?
How could someone do this to such a sweet girl. My head spun when I thought what could have happened if I didn’t come. Would she still be okay? “I won’t let anyone get away with this,” I vowed fiercely. The person who did this would be put to justice, I would make sure of that.
- Tasbih Fathimi: By reading 33 x Subhanallah, 33 x Alhamdulillah and 34 x Allahu Akbar morning and evening, Insha Allah your work will be made easy.
- Dua for protection: Ayat-al-qursi
Reciting abundant istighfaar seeking forgiveness for all the sins that we do
- Always take the middle path when disciplining children. Too strict and they’ll be forced to rebel, too lenient and they won’t realise the wrongness and consequences of their actions.
- Never involve yourself in gossip because besides not knowing what’s true or not it is a very big sin. If it turns out to be untrue then you involved yourself in an even greater sin: slander.
- Be very careful around innocent little children. They are more perceptive and sensitive than we even realise.
You can never be too strict when checking on your child whereabouts. They may claim to be going somewhere but in reality, are in a totally different place